


group chat: neo cultz

by stilinscry



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinscry/pseuds/stilinscry
Summary: sailor moon: Youngho, you started a group chat to find out who drank your milk?tent: im breaking up w/ ujyani: hey this is Serious™





	1. he need some milk

[ _jyani_ added _sailor moon, han solo_ , _eomma_ , _jeffrey_ , _don’t young_ , _tent_ , _anakun skywalker_ and _tyut yuts_ ]

[ _jyani_ named the chat **neo cultz** ]

 **tent:** whats up sluts

 **don’t young:** why

 **tyut yuts:** why

 **han solo:** why

 **jyani:** shh

 **jyani:** ive gathered you all here today to ask an important question

 **eomma:** wait

[eomma added _mark lee_ , _jabba the hyuck_ , _leleia_ , _obi-win kenobi_ , _nana_ , _jenojam_ , _gee son_ , _kylo ren(jun)_ , _jung noot noot_ and _wookie_ ]

 **eomma:** okay, we’re all here now, go for it youngho

 **jenojam:** hi hyungs :)

 **gee son:** holla

 **jeffrey:** wait why is ten called tent              

 **jyani:** wouldn’t u like to know

 **eomma:** theRE ARE KIDS HERE

 **gee son:** i don’t get it

 **leleia:** lemme explain

 **eomma:** don’t you dare corrupt him

 **jyani:** okay getting back to my Question

 **tyut yuts:** i was watching naruto so this best be important

 **jabba the hyuck:** i stg if this is about someone drinkin ur milk again

 **jyani:** well.. actually….. it is

 **sailor moon:** Youngho, you started a group chat to find out who drank your milk?

 **tent:** im breaking up w/ u

 **jyani:** hey this is Serious™

 **jeffrey:** not really though

 **jyani:** I SPENT MY LAST CHANGE ON THAT CARTON OF MILK I JUST WANNA KNOW WHO DRANK IT

 **obi-win kenobi:** hello everyone!! :)

 **obi-win kenobi:** what are we talking about???

 **eomma:** hi sichengie

 **anakun skywalker:** someone drank youngho’s milk and he’s sad

 **obi-win kenobi:** was it strawberry milk….

 **jyani:** yh,, why

 **obi-win kenobi:** i’m sorry hyung !! I wouldn’t have drank it if I knew it was yours :’0

 **jung noot noot:** well that solves that mystery

 **jyani:** ah its okay sicheng, i should probably start labelling my stuff in the fridge anyways

 **jyani:** don’t worry about it kid

 **obi-win kenobi:** no ! I’ll buy you another carton tomorrow hyung, as an apology ^-^

 **tyut yuts:** so cute

 **eomma:** so cute

 **jabba the hyuck:** jinx

 **jyani:** only if ur sure sicheng

 **obi-win kenobi:** of course youngho hyung ;)

 **obi-win kenobi:** sorry I meant :)

 **nana:** rt ur goals

 **jenojam:** rt

 **wookie:** rt

 **gee son:** rt

 **leleia:** rt

 **jabba the hyuck:** rt

 **mark lee:** I don’t get it

 **nana:** mark..

 **eomma:** children go to bed

 **gee son:** taeyong hyung it’s only ten

 **eomma:** exactly my point, Go To Bed

 **leleia:** make us

 **jabba the hyuck:** did u really

 **kylo ren(jun):** did he just

 **nana:** don’t u worry hyung, we’ll make sure they get to bed safe and sound !!

 **don’t young:** …why can i hear muffled screaming

 **gee son:** i think you’re hearing things hyung

 **jabba the hyuck:** aaaand on that note, us kids bid y’all goodnight

 **don’t young:** ..why has the screaming gotten louder? donghyuck what are you doing?

 **jabba the hyuck:** !!!!! why?? do we always assume that i am the one doing Bad things

 **jabba the hyuck:** i’m a good kid

 **nana:** yeah and pigs can fly

 **han solo:** how do you guys even survive in a dorm together

 **sailor moon:** We don’t.


	2. he is an angery

**nana:** its 3am

 **nana:** its 3 in the fuckin morning

 **han solo:** …..yes

 **eomma:** WHY ARE YOU AWAKE

 **eomma:** WHY ARE YOU SWEARING

 **eomma:** WHY

 **sailor moon:** I think what Taeyong is trying to say is that it’s very late and you should probably be asleep.

 **nana:** u dont think i know that

 **nana:** u should be telling that to chenle and donghyuck and the impromptu karaoke session theyve decided to start

 **gee son:** what a snake

 **nana:** i stg if i have to hear chenle try and recreate taeyeons high notes one more time i will fist fight him

 **jenojam:** nana just put your headphones in and come back to bed :(

 **kylo ren(jun):** i think just threw up a little

 **eomma:** Why Are All The Kids Awake ??? who was on dreamies duty tonight

 **jyani:** …i may have forgotten to send the kids to bed

 **tent:** he was a little distracted if you catch my drift ;)

 **kylo ren(jun):** and again

[ _jyani_ left]

[ _tent_ left]

 **jeffrey:** you’re all welcome

 **tyut yuts:** it’s too early for this shit

 **don’t young:** why the hell are we all awake?

 **sailor moon:** I was hungry.

 **jeffrey:** jungwoo and yukhei fell asleep together on the sofa and I was taking pictures for future blackmail

 **anakun skywalker:** me and sichengie are watching a film

 **nana:** GUYS

 **nana:** PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME AND MY PROBLEMS

 **nana:** I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP AND THOSE BANSHEES ARE STILL SCREAMING

 **obi-win kenobi:** you don’t need beauty sleep ! you are super cute already ^-^

 **jenojam:** ^^^^^^^^

 **tyut yuts:** how are you so angelic even at 3am

 **obi-win kenobi:** I’m not an angel hyung !!

 **anakun skywalker:** yh, he’s rlly not

 **tyut yuts:** you’re both filthy liars

 **mark lee:** …..why did youngho hyung just message me asking to be added back into the chat??

 **mark lee:** what did he do??

 **han solo:** maybe you should ask him

 **jabba the hyuck:** yo jaehyun hyung hmu with those pics of noot noot and wookie

 **jeffrey:** [sent 3 images]

 **jabba the hyuck:** ily dude

 **jeffrey:** right back at u

 **nana:** FUCK YOU DONGHYUCK

 **sailor moon:** For someone so young, you have a lot of anger inside of you.

 **jabba the hyuck:** waht the heck man ?? why not chenle too

 **jabba the hyuck:** i dont deserve this Disrespect

 **leleia:** hyuuuuuungs jaemin just came and hit me and hyuck and took away our ipod

 **leleia:** how are we supposed to recreate the i got a boy mv without the music

 **kylo ren(jun):** you had it coming

 **nana:** karmas a bitch

 **don’t young:** can we all just go too sleep? the notifications from this chat are clogging up my phone :(

 **tyut yuts:** as much as I don’t wanna agree with doyoung I second what he says

 **tyut yuts:** i’m tired as fuck

 **eomma:** language

 **tyut yuts:** suck my dick ty track

[ _mark lee_ added _jyani_ and _tent_ ]

 **han solo:** wow what perfect timing

 **tent:** are u sure u wouldn’t rather suck his

 **tent:** like u did last week in the shower

 **anakun skywalker:** ooh tea

 **tyut yuts:** DO YOU WANT TO GET BLOCKED AGAIN

 **tyut yuts:** wait someone send help taeyong is choking

 **jyani:** choking on thAT DICK

 **mark lee:** I may have made a mistake adding them back in…


	3. talk shit, get hit

**jung noot noot:** u best not put those pics of me and yukhei anywhere

 **jung noot noot:** i will throw hands

 **jeffrey:** but you look so cute

 **tyut yuts:** our sweet little gays

 **jabba the hyuck:** i already sent them to everyone we know

 **jung noot noot:** no gay here

 **jung noot noot:** just a couple bros partaking in some manly cuddling,, nothing more

 **wookie:** kim jungwoo I swear to god

 **jung noot noot:** no homo, only bromo

 **wookie:** dude we’re literally boyfriends

 **jung noot noot:** brofriends****

 **wookie:** okay now ima throw hands

 **tyut yuts:** truly the sweetest couple

 **jung noot noot:** yeah, sweetest couple of Bros

 **wookie:** are you fOR REAL

 **wookie:** why am i dating your dumb ass

 **jung noot noot:** SLANDER!! my ass is just as intelligent as the next one

 **don’t young:** i don’t think you can give your ass an intelligence rating

 **sailor moon:** Is that really what you’re taking from this conversation?

 **anakun skywalker:** as amusing as this is, can you guys take your domestic somewhere else

 **tent:** no no stay keep arguing this is just starting to get good

 **jung noot noot:** wait

 **jung noot noot:** donghyuck

 **jabba the hyuck:** sHit gtg

[ _jabba the hyuck_ left]

[ _jung noot noot_ added _jabba the hyuck_ ]

 **jung noot noot:** not so fast buddy

 **jung noot noot:** who does ‘everyone we know’ encompass ??

 **jabba the hyuck:** well….

 **jyani:** sehuns seen them so the rest of exo definitely have

 **nana:** herin and lami were screaming about it earlier so i’d assume all the girls

 **jeffrey:** he took my phone and sent them to the 97 line gc

 **jabba the hyuck:** u snakes

 **wookie:** hyuck you might wanna leave the dorm and go somewhere else for a bit

 **wookie:** jungwoo’s on his way

 **jabba the hyuck:** well then,,. it was nice knowing u guys

 **jabba the hyuck:** kinda

 **kylo ren(jun):** even when ur life is at risk ur still a dick, amazing

 **jyani:** lets be honest, when isn’t the little guy a dick

 **kylo ren(jun):** okay true

 **mark lee:** why is Jungwoo trying to get into our bedroom? and why is Donghyuck barricading the door?

 **mark lee:** okay so he got in and he looks mad

 **mark lee:** OH MY GOD HIM AND DONGHYUCK ARE FIGHTING SOMEBODY GET ONE OF THE HYUNGS

 **tent:** i’m omw

 **mark lee:** SOMEBODY GET ONE OF THE HELPFUL HYUNGS

 **tent:** okay wow that was hurtful

 **nana:** get rekt

 **sailor moon:** Do me and Taeyong need to come back to the dorm?

 **jenojam:** hyung pls !!!

 **mark lee:** YES

 **don’t young:** oh my god jungwoo is just flicking him on the forehead over and over again

 **gee son:** why is nobody recording this

 **tyut yuts:** i’m on it

 **han solo:** is anybody actually gonna break up the fight….

 **tent:** where’s the fun in that

 **leleia:** this is the best fucking thing i’ve ever seen

 **eomma:** lanGUAGE

 **leleia:** are u for real

 **leleia:** jungwoo is literally bitch slapping donghyuck as we speak i think thats the more important issue hyung

 **anakun skywalker:** you guys are so messy

 **tyut yuts:** u think we don’t know

 **mark lee:** Taeyong hyung please hurry up

 **sailor moon:** We’re nearly there. Taeyong ran ahead.

 **wookie:** I’m just gonna apologise in advance for jungwoo’s actions

 **wookie:** because I know he probably won’t

 **anakun skywalker:** who’s actually at the dorm rn

 **nana:** me, jeno, mark, hyuck, jungwoo, chenle, ten, dongyoung and yuta

 **anakun skywalker:** there are seven of you there that could be stopping this

 **tent:** but this is the funniest thing that’s happened all week

 **tyut yuts:** plus someones gotta record it for the guys that aren’t here

 **gee son:** god bless u yuta hyung

 **don’t young:** lmao taeyong and taeil finally got back

 **leleia:** ty just grabbed jungwoo by the ear oh my gOD

 **kylo ren(jun):** hows donnghyuck doing??

 **jenojam:** he’s still on the floor :( I think he’s okay though

 **nana:** oh god now we’re all getting shouted at

 **gee son:** suddenly i’m not sad that i’m not at the dorm today

 **jeffrey:** i stg you all need to be under constant supervision

 **nana:** yukhei u might wanna come claim ur boyf before ty cuts his head off

 **wookie:** do I have to

 **wookie:** idk if I want him right now

 **eomma:** please take him back

 **wookie:** sigh

 **wookie:** i’m on my way               


	4. ch ch ch cherry bomb

**han solo:** it’s comeback time bitches

 **don’t young:** watch your fucking language around the kids

 **jabba the hyuck:** yh u tell him hyung

 **sailor moon:** I despair for us all.

 **tyut yuts:** for real though, it’s a 127 comeback hansollie

 **han solo:** ;)

 **jeffrey:** what

 **jyani:** are you saying what I think you’re saying

 **anakun skywalker:** WHY DO YOU GET TO DEBUT BEFORE ME

 **anakun skywalker:** is it because i’m chinese?

 **anakun skywalker:** i’ll do a kristaohan and split if they don’t debut me soon

 **obi-win kenobi:** but i’m chinese :)

 **kylo ren(jun):** me too

 **leleia:** meeee as well

 **tyut yuts:** nice burn kids

 **jung noot noot:** are you trying to say you aren’t happy doing rookies stuff with me and wookie ???

 **jung noot noot:** noah fence but we deserve better

 **anakun skywalker:** you can’t blame me for not wanting to third wheel with you two

 **mark lee:** he’s got a point

 **don’t young:** you guys do have a tendency for pda

 **nana:** extremely EXCESSIVE pda

 **anakun skywalker:** watching you guys wander off to go and make out gets boring after a while

 **wookie:** nobody said you couldn’t join us

 **tent:** …

 **tent:** did you just proposition kun

 **eomma:** no proPOSITIONING THIS IS A PG GROUP CHAT

 **anakun skywalker:** wait… are you for real

 **jung noot noot:** ;)

 **wookie:** ;)

 **anakun skywalker:** i’m coming over

 **jabba the hyuck:** did that really just happen ???

 **jyani:** kuns gonna get laaaaaid

 **han solo:** so does nobody care about me teasing a comeback?

 **tyut yuts:** dude, kun is literally on his way to have a threesome right now

 **tyut yuts:** that beats any other news

 **wookie:** hey who said he was gonna get laid

 **anakun skywalker:** am I not?

 **wookie:** i didn’t say that

 **jung noot noot:** wink wonk

 **sailor moon:** Just make sure you do it behind closed doors.

 **sailor moon:** We don’t need a repeat of that time I caught Ten and Dongyoung on the sofa.

 **don’t young:** YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T TELL ANYONE

 **jyani:** ten and …doyoung ??? wha t

 **tent:** it was like two years ago i didn’t cheat on u i swear

 **tent:** plus it was only handjobs

 **don’t young:** STOP TALKING

 **gee son:** wait is this the sofa in the living room

 **sailor moon:** Yes.

 **gee soon:** BUT I SIT THERE ALL THE TIME

 **gee son:** brb gotta go burn all my clothes

 **han solo:** y’all have no shame

 **tent:** damn right we don’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry it's like the middle of exam season so i'm thats why i'm hecka inactive lols


	5. u been hoeing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk man i don't even know

_[tent left]_

**jyani:** okay hands up, who in this gc has done stuff with ten

 **nana:** we went to hongdae together yesterday

 **sailor moon:** I took him out for meat last week as a treat.

 **wookie:** he hangs out with me at the weekends

 **jyani:** i

 **jyani:** i meant _stuff_

 **jenojam:** hyung how did you write that in italics wow ;u;

 **jyani:** that’s noT important

_[jenojam left]_

_[nana left]_

_[jabba the hyuck left]_

_[gee son left]_

_[kylo ren(jun) left]_

_[leleia left]_

_[mark lee left]_

**jyani:** guYs

 **jyani:** i want to do know who in here has fucked with ten

 **sailor moon:** Are you still annoyed about Dongyoung and Ten?

 **don’t young:** STOP MENTIONING THIS

 **don’t young:** WHAT WE DID WAS YEARS AGO

 **jeffrey:** they weren’t even dating hyung, just fwb

 **jyani:** wait are u tryna tell me it happened more than once

 **don’t young:** jung yoonoh I swear to the gods

 **jyani:** answer me bunny boy

 **don’t young:** okay yes maybe it happened more than once

 **tyut yuts:** whats happening

 **jeffrey:** youngho just found out that doyoung and ten have fucked, like a lot

 **tyut yuts:** oh

 **tyut yuts:** well if we’re having a confessional time then i should probably tell u that when me and ten used to share showers we’d give each other a hand if u catch my drift

 **jyani:** yOU TOO

 **han solo:** im gonna pitch in and say that ten is a really good lay

 **han solo:** that’s all, bye

 **tyut yuts:** i second this

 **jyani:** ARE YOU GUCKIGN KIDDING M

 **jyani:** SO THATSDOYOUNG YUTA AND HANSOL WHO HAVE ALL FUKCED MY BOYFRI END

 **jyani:** NYONE ESLE WANNA OWN UPWHILST WE’RE HERE

 **eomma:** …

 **anakun skywalker:** well, i never intended on breaking it to you like this

 **jyani:** Oh GOD YOU TWO AS WELL

 **sailor moon:** It’s probably not going to aid the situation but me and Ten had an ‘arrangement’ of sorts when we were both new to the company.

 **tyut yuts:** wow taeil i didn’t know u had it in u

 **sailor moon:** On the contrary, Ten had it in him.

 **don’t young:** moon taeil

 **jeffrey:** oh my god hyung

 **eomma:** i’m so happy the kids didn’t have to read that

 **tyut yuts:** dUDde taeil my man i love yuo             

 **jung noot noot:** okay so that’s doyoung, hansol, yuta, taeyong, kun and taeil who have all slept with ten

 **jung noot noot:** it’s quite impressive how much he gets around

 **wookie:** hun I don’t think you’re helping

 **jyani:** i can confirm that you arent helpign

 **obi-win kenobi:** hyung, whats wrong ((´д｀))

 **eomma:** no sichengie don’t worry about him

 **eomma:** also listen to me when i say don’t read back through the conversation

 **jeffrey:** that’s the worst thing you could’ve said hyung

 **tyut yuts:** winwinie don’t do it, protect yourself

 **anakun skywalker:** i hate to break it to you guys but your precious little sichengie has read and done much worse stuff that what’s been mentioned in this chat

 **eomma:** don’t you dAre say that about our little angel

 **obi-win kenobi:** stop it hyung ! I told you before that i’m not an angel (*ﾟﾛﾟ)

 **obi-win kenobi:** also youngho hyung, I feel really bad saying this but me and Ten kissed once ;n; I’m really sorry hyung, it didn’t mean anything ! I just wanted to see what it was like ^-^

 **jyani:** it’s okay sichengie, i forgive you

 **tyut yuts:** wait why aren’t the rest of us forgiven

 **don’t young:** yeah! what i had with ten wasn’t anything serious i mean, at the time i was fwb with like 4 people

 **don’t young:** sHit

 **don’t young:** wait

 **don’t young:** pretend i didn’t say that

_[eomma added tent, gee son, kylo ren(jun), leleia, mark lee, jabba the hyuck, jenojam and nana]_

**jyani:** my god that’s a lot of dick

 **jabba the hyuck:** doyoung hyung ur such a player

 **don’t young:** WHY DID YOU ADD THE CHILDREN BACK

 **tent:** hey i’m not a child

 **tent:** also doyoungie im hurt that my dick wasn’t the only one you were sucking

 **gee son:** ten hyung all of dreamies are taller than you

 **leleia:** ur basically one of us

 **nana:** lmao dongyoung who were u fuckin

 **eomma:** oh my god children no

 **han solo:** seriously dongyoung i’m impressed

 **tyut yuts:** okay dickfaces, own up if, at any point in ur lives, u have been fuckin dongyoung

 **jyani:** oh god i removed the kids so they wouldn’t have to read this kinda shit

 **anakun skywalker:** i might be a teeny weeny little bit guilty

 **jeffrey:** me also

 **don’t young:** guys please

 **don’t young:** stop exposing me

 **jyani:** technically, they’re exposing themselves doyoungie

 **jabba the hyuck:** okay so that’s three including ten, who was the fourth

 **mark lee:** god I never needed to know this much about any of your personal lives

 **tent:** shh mark

 **wookie:** wait who’s left that it could be

 **jung noot noot:** taeil, taeyong, hansol, sicheng, and yuta

 **sailor moon:** It’s not me.

 **han solo:** me either, though i probably wouldn’t have turned down an offer

 **jyani:** JI HANSOL

 **nana:** hyung ur honesty is admirable

 **anakun skywalker:** it wasn’t sicheng, he would’ve told me

 **jeffrey:** okay so it’s either taeyong or yuta

 **leleia:** my phone is on 5% can somebody just own up to to the succ

 **don’t young:** chenle i think i liked it better when you were still learning korean

 **leleia:** love u too hyung

 **mark:** wait why are Taeyong hyung and Yuta hyung both being so quiet

 **jyani:** that’s a good question kid

 **jabba the hyuck:** what are you hiding hyungs ????????

 **han solo:** im gonna call it

 **han solo:** i smell a threesome

 **eomma:** why would you think that? what a dumb idea? hah haa ha

 **tyut yuts:** dude, that was the opposite of helping us

 **han solo:** WAIT I WAS RIGHT WTF

 **don’t young:** IT ONLY HAPPENED LIKE TWICE

 **don’t young:** I AM A HEALTHY YOUNG MAN WHO HAS NEEDS AND THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT

 **don’t young:** NOW CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SEXUAL EXPLOITS

 **eomma:** kids please stop reading this

 **tent:** ur so high strung

 **tent:** theres nothin wrong with being a hoe

 **tyut yuts:** ^^^^^

 **kylo ren(jun):** wait, hoe?

 **leleia:** he means a **_hoe_**

 **kylo ren(jun):** ohhh

 **eomma:** was it really necessary to translate that chenle

 **leleia:** it was absolutely necessary hyung

 **jyani:** wow i can’t believe i just learnt how to call someone a hoe in Chinese

 **jabba the hyuck:** okay so tonight, on top of learning that ten and dongyoung are wildt as shit, i also learnt some new Chinese

 **jabba the hyuck:** im countin this as a successful evenin

 **don’t young:** successful? successful???

 **nana:** yeah

 **gee son:** i got so much blackmail material

 **anakun skywalker:** hey, so we all got exposed, so what?

 **jenojam:** it’s nothing to be ashamed of hyungs !!

 **tyut yuts:** yeah it was probably gonna come out eventually

 **don’t young:** hOW? in what situation would it come up that i’ve been fucked by like a quarter of the members

 **jyani:** wait you were on the receiving end?

 **tent:** he wasn’t with me ;0

 **don’t young:** fuck this

_[don’t young left]_

**jyani:** ten you aren’t sleeping in the room tonight

 **nana:** get rekt

 **jung noot noot:** god you guys are such drama queens

 **jung noot noot:** i love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so long omg


	6. dreamies make meme-ies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm idk what this is, so..,.,., enjoy

[ _lele_ added _full sun, marko, ladies man, ¯\\_(_ _ツ_ _)_/¯, jeno!!_ and _king of china_ ]

[ _lele_ named the group chat _he;;.Lp Mme.,,.,_ ]

 **lele:** guys

 **lele:** i tihnk im having a crisis

 **lele:** someone help

 **full sun:** chenle its only 8am how have u already hit ur first crisis of the day

 **lele:** bc!!!!!! i saw this thing on twitter earlier and it’s really messed me up

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** chenle i stg you need to stop getting stressed over things on twitter

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** there are better things you could be doing

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** paying attention to me for example

 **jeno!!:** jaemin

 **jeno!!:** help the poor boy before trying to help yourself

 **lele:** yh u tell him jeno

 **ladies man:** whats got u stressed oh pal of mine

 **lele** : would lightning mcqueen get life insurance or car insurance ??

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** are you serious?

 **lele:** yeS! its been stressing me out fo rthe half hour bc i cant figure it out

 **king of china:** …

 **lele:** don’t u ellipses me mister

 **marko:** Okay surely he would get life insurance because he’s ‘alive’

 **ladies man:** no no hyung

 **ladies man:** hes a car --- > car insurance

 **jeno!!:** i have to agree with mark on this, car insurance wouldn’t cover all his needs

 **marko:** Exactly!

 **full sun:** but hes a car

 **full sun:** his level of sentience doesn’t matter bc hes Still A Car

 **full sun:** and cars get car insurance

 **lele:** sentience ????

 **king of china:** aliveness

 **lele:** ah

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** are we totally gonna ignore the fact that he’s a fictional character

 **full sun:** yes

 **lele:** yes

 **ladies man:** yes

 **marko:** yes

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** well then

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** i’m gonna say life insurance

 **jeno!!:** we all love an intellectual

 **king of china:** intellectual my ass

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** um,,,,, What

 **king of china:** he’d get car insurance, if you were truly an intellectual you would know that

 **lele:** guys when i asked u for help i didn’t mean divide equally between each side

 **lele:** i am still no closer to knowign which one he would get

 **marko:** Why don’t we consult a hyung?

 **ladies man:** thats actually a good idea

 **ladies man:** well done markie

 **marko:** Thanks? I think

 **lele:** okay but who

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** i know just the man

[ _¯\\_(_ _ツ_ _)_/¯_ added _noot noot_ ]

 **ladies man:** who the hell

 **marko:** Language!

 **ladies man:** who the heck

 **marko:** That’s better

 **noot noot:** what is up my fellow young people

 **king of china:** jungwoo??

 **noot noot:** ding ding ding, we have a winner

 **ladies man:** how did u know that

 **lele:** bc he’s chinese

 **ladies man:** …that doesn’t even vaguely answer my question

 **king of china:** you heard the man

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** children

 **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯:** shhhhhh

 **noot noot:** okay so why am i here

 **marko:** A question I ask myself everyday

 **full sun:** chenle is having a crisis and he’s passing it on to the rest of us

 **noot noot:** okay then, hit me with ur crisis vibes

 **noot noot:** i’m ready

 **lele:** would lightning mcqueen get car insurance or life insurance?????

 **noot noot:** i-

[ _noot noot_ has left]

 **lele:** well then

 **lele:** none of u are any help

 **lele:** im gonna go ask kun

 **lele:** i hate u all

 **full sun:** love u too boo


	7. dad usurper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this on the bus home from work.... idk man

**jabba the hyuck:** im sad

 **sailor moon:** Hi sad, I'm dad.

 **jabba the hyuck:** oh my god no No i refuse

[ _jabba the hyuck_ left]

 **sailor moon:** ........

 **eomma:** you never dad joke a man when he's down

 **jyani:** yeah taeil that was strait up savage

 **tyut yuts:** pls never say savage again

 **taeil:** I thought it would cheer him up!!!!!!!!!

 **jyani:** pure savagery

 **tyut yuts:** what did i say

 **jyani:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[ _don't young_ added _jabba the hyuck_ ]

 **don't young:** what's wrong my child?

 **jabba the hyuck:** i am Sad

 **jabba the hyuck:** it's one of my brothers birthdays and my whole family has gone out but im stuck here in vocal practise

 **jabba the hyuck:** my sister is sending me pics and i wanna be there

 **obi-win kenobi:** :'(

 **yuta:** you have brothers?

 **ten:** u have a sister?

 **jabba the hyuck:** do u guys pay any attention to me at all

 **jenojam:** yes of course we do!

 **nana:** nah

 **gee son:** only like 50% of the time

 **jabba the hyuck:** i stfg i hate u all

 **jenojam:** :(

 **jabba the hyuck:** not u tho jeno

 **jenojam:** :)

 **mark lee:** how did y'all not know that he has a sister?? they're literally twins

 **leleia:** wait like real life twins

 **jabba the hyuck:** no were fake twins

 **leleia:** oh okay then

 **don't young:**  (・・?)

 **don't young:** chenle do you know that he was joking

 **leleia:** why would he joke about being a twin

 **leleia:** that's serious business

 **jyani:** i question how your mind works sometimes kid

 **leleia:** okay dad

 **sailor moon:** Have I been usurped from my role as group dad?

 **jyani:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **tent:** guys we're gettinf distracted from the main point here

 **tent:** donghyuck has 3+ siblings that nobody knew about

 **jabba the hyuck:** id say the most important thing is that im sad but yeah sure go off

 **obi-win kenobi:** i knew about them though !

 **mark lee:** yeah me too

 **jenojam:** i did

 **kylo ren(jun):** and me

 **tent:** mork u don't count ofc u know about ur boyfriends family

 **mark lee:** wHa t

 **jabba the hyuck:** lets not do this now

 **jabba the hyuck:** ur supposed to be cheering me up no tadding more problems to the pile

 **eomma:** wait are you really not dating?

 **nana:** it's a case of mutually unrequited love

 **sailor moon:** But that makes no sense..

 **nana:** my point exactly

[ _jabba the hyuck_ left]

 **tent:** marko are u really gonna let ur mans run away from your love

 **mark lee:** uh

 **mark lee:** uuhhhhhh

[ _mark lee_ left]

 **kylo ren(jun):** ah young love

 **jyani:** its truly beautiful

 **han solo:** guys

 **han solo:** aren't you forgetting something

 **obi-win kenobi:** hi hansol hyung

 **han solo:** hi sichengie

 **jeffrey:** what are we forgetting

 **eomma:** ????

 **han solo:** something kinda small and red

 **jyani:** uh

 **jeffrey:** uh

 **nana:** uh

 **tent:** uh

 **tyut yuts:** uh

 **han solo:** normally sunshiney but sad at this particular moment in time

 **don't young:** FUCK

 **don't young:** MY SWEET LITTLE DONGHYUCK

 **don't young:** HE'S SAD AND WE MADE IT WORSE

 **taeil:** Are we bad parents?

 **eomma:** oh god we're bad parents

 **jyani:** do you think cake will fix it

 **gee son:** given the sad cat picture donghyuck just set as his display i think it's going to take more than just cake

 **tyut yuts:** taeyong how quickly can you make kimchi soup

 **eomma:** relatively fast

 **tyut yuts:** okay, do that

 **tyut yuts:** fried rice too

 **tyut yuts:** tonight we dine solely on donghyuck's favourite foods

 **jyani:** i like this idea

[ _jyani_ added _mark lee_ ]

 **jyani:** markus what does ur boyfriend like on his pizza

 **mark lee:** chicken and jalapenos

 **mark lee:** wait

 **mark lee:** he's not my boyfriend

 **tent:** hmm sure

 **han solo:** stop getting distracted.

 **tent:** sorry mum

 **mark lee:** he also prefers stuffed crust

 **jyani:** noted

 **sailor moon:** Is there anything me and Dongyoung can do?

 **kylo ren(jun):** hyuck's favourite ice cream is honey and pistachio, you could get some of that?

 **don't young:** my boy has sophisticated tastes, i'm so proud

 **don't young:** oh also, mark?

 **mark lee:** yeah

 **don't young:** do you have his sisters phone number?

 **mark lee:** ...maybe

 **don't young:** text her to see if she can skype or something when we get back to the dorm

 **tent:** that'll be a nice touch

 **eomma:** okay team, roll out

 **nana:** hyung pls never say that again

 **eomma:** jaeminnie, why aren't you rolling out

 **nana:** sigh/

 

 

 

 

 

 **mark lee:** hi this is donghyuck

 **mark lee:** i know ur all asleep but i wanted to say thanks for tonight and its easier here than it is irl

 **mark lee:** so uh,,, thanku guys, i love u all a fuck ton

 **mark lee:** also if anybody brings up the fact that i cried in front of my sister i will fill all of your shoes with whipped cream and leave them outside for the ants to infest

 **don't young:** wow, love you too hyuck

 **mark lee:** :*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> daily reminder that i love lee donghyuck he is my sunshine and idk where i would be without him

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mess just like me
> 
> twt me @igbthyuck


End file.
